Gadis Gemuk (1301)

Memang sejak dari kecil, aku dah obese. Macam-macam aku dah hadap. Bila makcik2 cakap, tak takut ke nanti da besar, kalau gemuk, takde orang nak. Aku selalu cakap, kalau dia betul2 sayang, dia mesti akan terima seadanya. Itu dulu.

Bila dah besar, persepsi aku sedikit demi sedikit berubah. Lelaki...memang akan pilih luaran. Perempuan disisi dia umpama trofi. " Eh, lawa gila awek hang" "Cute awek ko, untungla" adalah antara kata2 pujian yang di idam lelaki. Jangan cuba nafikan, aku tahu. Walau jauh macam mana pun lelaki cuba menafikan hal ini, hakikatnya, lelaki memang akan memilih suri mereka berdasarkan luaran. Sikap jatuh no 2 atau 10.

Padan muka, siapa suruh tak jaga badan. Memang padan muka aku. Aku tahu salah aku. Aku ikut nafsu makan yang buas ni dan tidak peduli tentang saiz badan aku. Aku hidup dalam persepsi yang satu hari nanti, seseorang akan terima aku sebab aku. Bukan sebab rupa.

Belajar dari kesilapan. Itu yang aku boleh lakukan. Aku tak salahkan lelaki sebab kalau satu jari aku tuding pada kaum lelaki, empat lagi pasti akan hala pada aku, perempuan. Lelaki memang dijadikan begitu, ingin yang cantik, ingin yang bergaya.

Aku harap, azam ini, bukan hanya disini. Aku harap, aku kuat, untuk buktikan pada diri aku sendiri, yang aku memang layak untuk jadi yang terbaik.


Dan, dapat jodoh yang terbaik, dengan izin Dia...

Cinta Hati

Tuhan, 

Jika kau izinkan dia 

menjadi kekasih hatiku

dunia dan akhirat

aku mohon pada Mu

permudahkanlah

jalan untuk kami 

kecapi bahagia

memeterai janji setia

Tuhan

Jadikan dia

lelaki yang penuh dengan 

tulus cinta

dan setia hingga ke syurga

hanya untuk aku

permaisurinya

Tuhan,

Jika bukan dia

aku tetap redha

Kau kurniakanlah

jodoh yang terbaik untukku

Jauhkan hatiku dari mengingati dia

Tuhan

Sungguh aku cinta dia

tiada dua

hanya dia...

Tuhan

hanya pada Mu

ku serah jiwa raga

kerna aku yakin

Kau takkan pernah dusta

Sayang

Doaku berpanjangan

agar bahagia milik kita

biarpun mungkin nanti

akhir cerita kita

berbeza

21 Ramadhan 1434H

Lipan dan tawakal

Masa nak mula buka puasa hari tu, aku pun excited la nak perform terawih tahun ni. Jadi untuk hari pertama terawih, aku pun bersiap2 nak ke surau. Tapi sebelum tu, aku pergi pecut hantar makanan kat Mr Teddy. Sebab esok da nak puasa, jadi malam tu aku teringin makan nasi arab. Makan sorang cam tak best, so aku belikan Mr Teddy satu jugak malas masak sebenarnya Masa bagi makanan kat Mr Teddy, dia bebel2 ckp tak suka makan nasi arab, beriani dan seangkatan dengannya. Dia pernah bagitau sebelum ni, tapi saje je buat tak dengar. Nasi arab kot, sedap hokkay! Aku pujuk jugak dia suruh makan. Mr Teddy dengan berat hati terpaksa la makan juga sebab itu je yang ada, hahahaha! 

Then, pikir-pikir, aku pun decide semayang terawih kat surau yang dekat dengan rumah je la. Senang dan convenience.Masa tengah baca doa rakaat keempat, nampak ada seekor lipan main2 kat depan, tapi sebab macam jauh, I think that would be no harm. Little that I know, lipan tersebut menuju laju ke arah aku! huwarghh, masa tu mmg da tak khusyuk da semayang, tapi nak teruskan juga sebab sayang. 

One word in my head at that time, that is TAWAKAL. aku pikir camni je, lipan tu makhluk Allah, aku makhluk Allah. Aku cakap dalam hati, kalau apa2 berlaku pun, Allah tetap yang maha Besar. He knows the best and I managed to finish the solat without any bites or what not from the CENTIPEDE, Allahuakbar! 

Elok je aku habis doa, rakaat ke 8, lipan tu berlari2 anak ke tempat lain. Fuh, mmg seram bila fikir balik.

But what I really want to stress here is the power of Tawakal. Menyerahkan kepercayaan sepenuhnya pada Allah, setelah berusaha. Percaya yang Dia akan membantu kita. Percaya pada Dia.... Sentiasa percaya pada Dia.

jadi, bila berkehendakkan sesuatu, lepas berusaha, bertawakal kepada Dia. Insya Allah, Dia akan beri yang terbaik untuk kita.

Excerpt from http://mylovesmylifes.blogspot.com/2012/08/bismillahi-tawakal-to-al-allah-wa-la.html

Turn our anxiety, our fear and our concern into DUA because HE is “Al-Samee” .

His hearing encompasses everything: He hears the pleas of those who are in distress; He responds to the supplications of those in need;

He helps those who are desperate for help; He hears the praising of those who praise Him, so He rewards them for it, and the supplication of those who plead to Him, so He responds to them.

"Call on your Lord with humility and in private: for Allah loveth not those who trespass beyond bounds. Do not make mischief on the earth, after it hath been set in order, but call on Him with fear. And longing (in your hearts): for the mercy of Allah is (always) near to those who do good" (Quran 7:55-56).

Bismillahi Tawakal to al Allah, Wa La Hawla Wa La Quwwata Illa Billah 

(In Your Name Allah, I put my trust in, and there is no other power or force except Allah).

Progress of life. . .

For these past few days I kept thinking about my life progress and as much as I hate to admit, my life does in a stagnant stage right now. I want to do something about it but what can I do? I am bound with my current 9-5 job. I read about young people achieve so many things just in their early young adult life. Very interesting and inspiring I must say. I need to think of ways to improve my income. An income is just not enough for me. I am thinking of doing business online and start to join Herbalife. Well honestly I am a Herbalife distributor but a passive one. I buy Herbalife products mostly for myself. When I registered as a distributor, I never thought of being active in business but now I think, why not, right? However, there are few problems which I need to sort out first before I can start again. The hardest is always the beginning right?

Diet? 

Ke laut....thought of following Atkins, but always failed to commit. Now I just focus on balance diet and exercises. Hopefully I will do just fine.

Kisah lalu...

Oleh kerana dah lama tak update blog kan, jadi harus la highlight satu perkara.

Mr.H dah kawen, with someone else definitely. So, all the previous entries related with Mr H, anggap je aku manusia biasa yang tak lepas dari meroyan akibat ditinggalkan.... horror rasa bila difkirkan balik

Penat rasa bersedih hati dengan orang yang tak hargai kita, if one day jumpa someone yang betul-betul hargai dan terima kita seadanya, kita akan in love forever dengan dia, one and only poyo tapi benar  

If this is madness, let me rave and rant

Outpourings of the mind, dreams left behind;

To my Past:

If this is sadness, let me grieve and weep

tears in the heart, sorrow and pain

of loved one passing, of days gone by.

Memories well into pool of passions

Devouring spirit, my being left awry.

Providence like a fickle master

Beyond human comprehension,

Beyond the heart compassion.

To my Future:

If this is music, let me dance and sing

Stirrings of the senses, awakenings of the body;

The child in my spirit, impulsive and free.

Pain grows into rhythm

Joy into melody

Lifting thought and nerve to an elevated high

Solace to the intellect, comfort to the heart

Inspiring like a symphony,

Soothing like a lullaby.

adapted from Between Madness and Poetry by Halimah Mohd Said

The Sun Mon, June 24, 2013

 

rasa itu

dear...
I never thought
I will love you
the way I do
right now


but somehow,
yes
you are now
my one and
only...

I tried so many times
countless of times
to be
the way you wish me
to be...

Changes
require efforts
and times
but if you wish
to leave,

although with
a bundle of pains
I will have to
let you walk away...

This will never be
easy for me
but if this decision makes
you happy
I will bear
the sadness...

for you
my love
anything
everything....

imy

Cheat Day

I was like want to slap my face so hard today! Usually people will take the cheat day after a week of going through diet routine but me, myself, I took a cheat day just after 2 days of diet! My godness, I feel so bad, so guilty...

When I entered my office this morning, my officemate, Yana bought us nasi lemak for breakfast (so thoughtful this young lady) and being one of my favourite food plus I don't have time to prepare my breakfast this morning, I was easily swept away with the aroma of nasi lemak then feeling guilty like hell and ate it happily. I swear it would be the last time I'm allowing such food to seduce me. After this no more...

Dear self, you should realise your critical condition. If you do not start now, you will forever be that way. The way in which even you yourself are ashamed with, so please, have a STRONG FAITH. It is not forever you can't eat all your favourite food. Just for a little while. Be patient and keep on the diet routine. You can do it. If you success, it is you who will be proud of yourself.

I should be more strict to myself. #promisetoself

SOP, diet and blackout!

How am I going to read and memorize all the SOP in one day...sigh~~~

Diet is ok so far, I manage to control myself yey! but the sad thing is I dont have time to work out. I should squeeze my time and find some to allocate for work out. I should not give myself any excuses. Yes! no more excuses dear self.

I already ramble on so many things then suddenly my office went blackout and all were gone, yey again!
See the funny side right ^^,

It's mid June 2013

Apa yang telah kamu capai sepanjang 6 bulan dalam tahun 2013 ini?

Perghhhh, soalan ini, kalau difikirkan balik, memang rasa macam ada orang tampar muka kiri kanan, makan dalam! Sebab honestly, to think about it, apa sangat yang aku dah buat dalam 6 bulan ni, sedih ok! I should be responsible to monitor my own life progress, but the truth is, all I can say, I almost do nothing significant to my life. sigh~~~~

I should do something about this because if not, my life can be ruined before I had ever notice it.

Hence, as for the first step, maybe I should list down what I want to achieve in the next month, next 3 months and before the end of this year. Yep, I should start to think about these lists.

make your life worth dear,

terlalu lama....

Rasanya, dah lama gila tak post anything kat blog, nasib baik masih ingat username and password, hahahaha..

hurm, ok, nak start tulis balik blog, dengan satu tujuan, untuk mengingatkan diri supaya sentiasa menjadikan hari ini lebih baik dari semalam.

Sebenarnya, something really bad happened last Friday which hit me really hard. So, I'm thinking, to start all over again but this time, a really serious one, like no body business.

N nak diet, serius diet. N sedar, sampai bila dah gemuk kan, baik macam mana pun, sweet macam mana pun, kalau gemuk, susah nak convince orang. Lagi satu, N rasa, cukuplah N kena hina bagai. N tak nak lagi sedih-sedih. N dah baca banyak blog mengenai kisah kejayaan orang yang gemuk jadi kurus. If they can, why I can't rite? 

So, may the force be with me  =) 

kena kuat semangat selalu!